A Handful of Dreams Hilary Wilde

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the car drive away and then went into the house.
Joanna was alone, sprawled on the couch in a
grass-green kaftan.
' Hi you're back early,' she said with a smile.
' What's wrong?'
' I ... I just told Colin I'm sorry but . . .' Cilia
began.
' Don't look so miserable. Colin will recover.'
' I know.' Cilia felt even worse because actually
she had been feeling sorry for herself and not for
Colin! She was selfishly thinking of her own
future. Colin was such a darling, but . . .
' What made you know? I was so afraid you
were going to marry him,' Joanna asked.
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Cilia kicked off her shoes and curled up in an
armchair. ' I know it's going to sound daft, but it
was the way he kissed me.'
' He'd kissed you before?' Joanna sounded
startled.
' Of course, but quite differently. This time it
was . . . well . . .'
'Passionate?' Joanna teased, but her eyes were
sympathetic. ' It has to be the right one for that,
Cilia.'
' Yes, I suppose so.' Cilia was thinking of Theo's
kiss, the harshness, the violence, the thrill.
' Where's Paul?' she asked quickly to change the
subject.
' Theo is throwing- a stag party. It seems he's
going away before we do. All the men have gone,
but not the wives.' Joanna laughed, but the words
hit Cilia with surprising force.
A stag party? Surely a man had that before he
was married? Was Theo marrying Fiona then,
after all?
' What are you going to do, Cilia? I know you
love the island, but you won't stay here after we're
gone, will you? Or why not buy our house and
run it as a holiday home for children?' Joanna
smiled, but Cilia thought of it gravely, for it might
be an idea.
She loved the Islands and had no desire to go
back to Gloucester Road and rainy bus stops but
the plain truth was, she told herself gravely, she
really wanted to stay in the Seychelles because Theo
was here.
But for how long would he be? Fiona hated
the islands and wanted to see the world, according
i49
to Colin. And when they were there on the islands
how could Cilia endure the misery of seeing the
man she loved married to another woman?
Wouldn't it be more sensible to leave? But did
one always do the sensible thing?
' I should go back to England if I were you,'
Joanna said gently. ' You've always wanted a rid-
ing school and then you can visit us. Wait until
we've settled down and come and meet your niece.'
.' Niece? Are you pregnant? Oh, how marvel-
lous 1' Cilia said eagerly.
Joanna laughed. ' We're thrilled, but she has
chosen rather the wrong moment. You won't go
rushing off, will you? I hoped you'd help me sort
things out and pack. The doctor said I mustn't get
overtired.'
' Of course I will. Just think, I'm going to be
an auntie!' Cilia said happily.
As the days passed, and the trunks were packed and
with some furniture freighted, other stuff was sold
until at last the house was empty and Cilia was
saying goodbye to Joanna and Paul at the airport.
The days had flashed by or so it seemed to Cilia
and after they had gone she went out in her car,
which she was going to sell, for a farewell drive
round the island. She had booked her flight to
Heathrow but was spending the night at a hotel
in Victoria. She wanted a last-minute look at this
island where she had been both happy and sad;
where she had lived in such totally different ways;
where she had fallen in love and lost.
As she drove slowly up the road that wound
round the mountains she looked hungrily at the
150
beauty of the purple flowers on the creepers that
seemed to cling to the trees and everything else
they could clutch. It was as if everything had
turned out in its most beautiful to say 'farewell.
Never had she seen so many birds with their
lovely colours, some with their little red bodies and
golden breasts. Never had she seen so many cheeky
little monkeys who swung from branch to branch,
chattering as if singing a song of farewell. As she
stopped to gaze down at the ocean with its lovely
colours, Cilia felt very near tears.
Anthony had asked her what was love. She had
not known, then, but now she knew. Love was not
the romantic happiness feeling you read about.
Perhaps to a few, but not to her. Love meant a
curious mixture of love and hate. Love meant a
dismal loneliness that seemed to swamp you, a feel-
ing of despair and helplessness. You loved and he
didn't. Could there be anything more painful,
more tragic? Was this how Colin had felt? she
wondered.
She drove back to the town and went to the
garage that was buying her car. Then she went to
the hotel. How awful it was to be in a hotel alone.
She felt everyone was staring at her, wondering who
she was and why she was alone. Was she going to
go through life alone?
Could she ever love another man as she loved
Theo?
Feeling restless, she wandered down the main
street past the market that was always bright with
food and fruit and shoppers in bright clothes. A
car drove by and caught Cilia's attention. It was
a purple car. She knew whose it was Fiona's!
" 151
Fiona was driving. She waved to Cilia and
smiled. Cilia waved her hand stopping up in the
air as she saw who it was sitting by Fiona's side.
Colin! He had not seen her, he was looking the
other way. The car passed and Cilia stood very
still. Had Colin recovered so quickly? Had he
ever really loved her? It was something she would
never know.
Colin had seemed so sincere, so heartbreakingly
sad as they said goodbye, yet already he was out
with Fiona. Cilia wondered if she could recover
as fast. Somehow she doubted it.
She could not forget Theo. She was trying, so
hard. But she had only to shut her eyes to see his
face with that square chin, the stubborn mouth, the
dark eyebrows, the little curl of hair on the back
of his head that refused to lie down.
Back in the hotel, she decided to have an early
night. Not that she got to sleep any earlier, for
she spent most of the evening at the screened win-
dow, feeling the refreshingly cool air on her face,
looking at the lights of the town and the small
twinkling lights from the houses on the mountain-
sides, mostly hidden by the palm trees. How could
she leave the beauty? she wondered. How go back
to England to the rain and the cold and the crowds?
But go she must. She knew that.
In the morning she was driven to the airport.
She went to the counter with her ticket. The girl
in charge frowned.
' I'm afraid your ticket has been cancelled,' she
said.
'Cancelled?' Cilia was startled. ' But that's im-
possible. I certainly didn't cancel it.'
i52
' I'm very sorry, but your place has been taken.
At the moment, we're very packed.'
' But I want to go today,' Cilia said.
' I'm very sorry, but today we are booked up
completely. So we are tomorrow. It's a bad time
to book.'
' I know. That's why I booked early.'
' Well, I'm very sorry indeed,' the girl said again.
' But your ticket was definitely cancelled and some-
one on our waiting list got it. I'm afraid there's
nothing we can do to help you.'
' Who cancelled it?' Cilia asked angrily.
Who on earth would cancel it? Unless it was
one of Fiona's funny jokes. But why should she
do such a thing? There was no point in it.
' I'm afraid I don't know,' the girl apologised.
' I wasn't on duty.'
' Can I book here?' asked Cilia. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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