Gordon Korman Bruno & Boots 04 The War With Mr. Wizzle

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Mr. Thomas, the teacher, was lecturing on the earth's crust formation. Mr.
Wizzle sat at the back of the class, making elaborate notes.
"& and that's all. Are there any questions?"
Bruno elbowed Elmer.
Elmer stood up. "Sir, I would like to make a special presentation to the
class."
Everyone groaned. Elmer's special presentations were notorious at Macdonald
Hall.
"By all means. Go ahead, Drimsdale," said Mr. Thomas.
Elmer walked to the front of the class and set up several charts and sketches
along the blackboard ledge. "My project deals with the Great Lakes-St.
Lawrence Lowlands fault line."
Mr. Thomas frowned. "What fault line?"
"The earthquake fault line, sir," replied Elmer blandly.
At the back of the room Wizzle's head snapped up to attention.
"The Great Lakes-St. Lawrence Lowlands fault line is not as well known as the
San Andreas fault line in California, but nevertheless it exists, representing
a clear and present danger to the area. The fault itself has been dormant
since the Lower Cretaceous Period. However, a hairline offshoot of the fault,
which I have named the Elmer Drimsdale fault because I pinpointed it, is quite
active. The end of this line actually extends to the Macdonald Hall grounds,
passing directly underneath the south lawn."
Now Elmer had Mr. Wizzle's full attention. That strange incident last night!
An earthquake!
"Seismic activity has been rather light of late," Elmer went on, "but if you
refer to this chart, you can see that a quake of major proportions is
overdue."
"Remarkable," said Mr. Thomas. "Is Macdonald Hall then in danger?"
"Oh, no," said Elmer. "You see, activity on my fault line is very local. Even
in the event of a major seismic disturbance, the nearby buildings would remain
intact." He paused and beamed. "Naturally, however, there would be complete
and utter devastation on the fault line itself. Now this map has all the
Macdonald Hall buildings plotted. The red line is the Elmer Drimsdale fault.
As you can see, all dormitories and educational buildings are located a safe
distance from the fault. The only one that lies on it is uh the guest
cottage."
All the boys wheeled to stare at Mr. Wizzle, who pocketed his notebook and
left the room, looking quite pale.
"Elmer," whispered Bruno, "I love you!"
***
Mr. Sturgeon leaned back in his chair. "What can I do for you, Wizzle?"
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"I'll come right to the point, Mr. Sturgeon. I'd like to talk to you about
the earthquake fault my house is built on."
Mr. Sturgeon's eyes opened wide. "Do tell."
"Yes, well, I just heard that my cottage is located on an earthquake fault
and "
"Excuse me, Wizzle," said the headmaster, "but where did you hear this?"
Mr. Wizzle thought of Elmer Drimsdale's impeccable scholastic reputation.
"From a very reliable source.
I' ve been headmaster here for almost twenty years," said Mr. Sturgeon, "and
we have never had an earthquake."
"Oh, really?" challenged Mr. Wizzle. "Well, I had one last night."
"Funny. I didn't notice anything."
"That's because your house isn't on the fault."
"That's absurd," said the headmaster. "Your house is no more than twenty-five
yards from mine."
"It's a very local fault," insisted Mr. Wizzle. "My source even said so."
"I see. What else did your source say?"
"He said that we were long overdue for a major earthquake. Frankly, I'm
wondering if the cottage is safe." Mr. Sturgeon raised an eyebrow. "Well, if
you're really that frightened, Wizzle, I'm sure we can arrange other
accommodations perhaps a small spare room in one of the dormitories."
Mr. Wizzle bristled. "I'm not at all frightened. I simply wanted to give you
some input on this matter."
He turned on his heel and stalked out.
The headmaster reached for the telephone and dialled his home number.
"Mildred?& You've got to hear what Wizzle's done this time& No, it's not
mean.It's funny& "
***
Cathy and Diane sat amid Miss Scrimmage's student body while Miss Peabody
addressed the assembly.
"Now remember," whispered Cathy, "as soon as she says something mean, start
crying."
"She never says anything thatisn't mean."
"I meant somethingreally mean. Don't forget, cry loud. When the girls hear
us, they'll all start, too. I don't want a dry eye in the place."
"Now," Miss Peabody was saying, "there's been a little improvement since I
came, but you are still the most nauseating, miserable bunch of softies "
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"Waaah!" Cathy wailed at top volume.
Diane joined in with a series of sobs like hiccups. And one by one the entire
student body burst into uncontrolled tears, until the whole gymnasium echoed
with sobbing, wailing, crying, shrieking, and howling voices.
Miss Scrimmage leapt up from her chair and began running back and forth in
front of the assembly. "Girls! Girls! Please don't cry! Oh dear! Don't cry!
Miss Peabody didn't mean it!Please don't cry!"
This encouraged the girls, who cried harder. Miss Peabody stood at the front
of the group, arms folded, glancing dispassionately at her wristwatch.
After a full five minutes, the wailing began to diminish. Cathy looked. Miss
Peabody was still there, staring at her watch.
"Waaah!" Cathy howled, and the crying swelled again.
"Oh dear! Oh dear!" agonized Miss Scrimmage. "Miss Peabody, what shall we
do?" She looked desperately at the sea of red faces and burst into tears
herself.
Miss Peabody remained unmoved. After another five minutes, voices began to
grow hoarse and, slowly but surely, the wailing petered out. Cathy kept crying
to rally the girls, but finally the last echo of her wailing bounced off the
walls and the room fell into total silence.
Miss Peabody stepped forward and fixed them all with a look that would have
melted lead. "Are you quite finished with that blubbering?"
The only reply was the sound of Miss Scrimmage blowing her nose.
"I'll see you all out on the track this afternoon. You wasted ten good
minutes! Ten good laps should cover it.
"Now, I want to tell you about our new program. You girls lack spirit,
excitement, and initiative. That's why I'm dividing up the whole school into
four squadrons by last names.A toG Blue Squadron;H toL Red Squadron; M toR
Green Squadron;S to Z White Squadron. Now, instead of calisthenics in the
morning I'll be teaching you how to march. Then you're on your own to practice
and get ready for Saturday's parade."
There was an alarmed murmur.
"Stow it! The squadron that presents the best parade gets an overnight trip
somewhere or other with Miss Scrimmage. Okay, that's all. Dismissed. See you
on the track."
As the girls began to file out of the gym, Cathy leaned over to Diane. "Did
you hear that? A trip with Miss Scrimmage! That means a trip without Peabody!"
"Overnight!" added Diane wistfully.
Cathy's face took on a look of determination. "We're going to win that
parade! I'd do anything for a twenty-four-hour pass!"
***
Mr. Wizzle ushered Wilbur Hackenschleimer briskly into his office." Well,
Hacken, and how are you today ?"
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