JD Fuentes The sexual key How to use the structure of female emotion

[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

X3/Y7/Y8/Y9/Z3.
When you feel really connected to someone, it s like there s a
glittering, iridescent chain connecting your hearts, and this is a sign you
and this person are meant to be together.
When someone really has an impact on you, it s as if you can feel
everything special and powerful about this person penetrating ever more
deeply into your mind and body and soul, and you feel flooded with this
tremendous desire to open yourself even more completely, so as to
experience even more of these special feelings.
My friend Chandra says that when a man really feels right for her,
it s as if everything that s been numb or bored or disconnected inside her
48
suddenly begins to melt like the wax of a candle, and the more she feels
this warmth and this liquid melting feeling inside her, the more deeply she
knows this experience is going to enter her and give her a true feeling of
being totally filled, as if she can now truly sense how much she s been
waiting for an experience just like this, and now she truly feels herself
yearning for this even more powerfully, as if a voice inside her is saying,
You need this now. Surrender, and take this pleasure and grace and
power inside you, because this is what you need right now.
We ll explain why this works in the next chapter.
Review
1. Proof by Enjoyable Analogy (P.E.A.) allows you to assign meanings
(conceptual evaluations) to emotions and events.
2. Taking a P.E.A. has this structure: Emotion or Experience X is like
Enjoyable Experience Y which leads to a feeling of Emotion Z. Again:
X is like Y which leads to Z.
49
XIV. How Women Decide What Something Means
As we ve mentioned, women have a much stronger response to
language than do men. Language induces very strong emotions. Women
create complex emotions, complex metafeelings, by layering and linking
and stacking abstract words abstract concepts about feelings--together.
And just as they use complex language to create complex feelings, they
use complex language to create meaning.
Men and women determine the meaning of something in different
ways. This, in fact, is one of the most important differences between them.
Fortunately, the way women construct a sense of meaning makes it very
easy for you to help them create meaningful experiences and help them
arrive at interpretations that you want. All you need are words and
metaphors.
If men and women abstract the meaning of an experience in
different ways, how do men do it? Men mainly consider physical events
we look at how one physical event affects another physical event, how
going into protracted negotiation on a big deal affects that vacation to
Puerto Rico planned for next week. The meaning of something is how it
affects a physical event.
For women, on the other hand, meaning comes primarily from how
something affects an emotion. The thing that affects the emotion will often
be another emotion. Meaning, for women, is in emotional response. The
meaning of that protracted negotiation will largely be in the emotions that
flow from it, and the degree to which she feels she s adhering to her
personal values. She might think, Maybe missing out on that vacation is
just one more example of how I m always putting work before pleasure. I m
always losing touch with myself, always putting off what I really want. Why
do I always do this? What does this say about me? I m always fighting to
prove myself. Am I still trying to please Daddy? Why can t I just move on?
What does this say about me? Etc. For women, emotions are just as real
as physical events.
You create rapport with women by interpreting events through the
lens of emotional abstraction. Talk as if your emotions drive your
perceptions--as if your emotions are the real-world, and the physical world
is something far away and not very important.
50
Review
1. Men and women create meaning (and therefore establish priorities) in
different ways.
2. Men assign meaning based on consequences in the physical world; the
meaning of an event or an emotion is its probable effect on a future
event.
3. Women assign meaning based on emotional response; the meaning of
an emotion or event is its effect on emotions.
4. For women, emotions are just as real and compelling as physical
events.
51
52
XV. Opening a Woman s Emotional Spaces
Have you ever heard a woman say something like, I m not in a place
where I m ready for that right now or I m just not that in that kind of space or
You and I are in different phases ?
As we ve mentioned, women experience emotions so intensely that
emotions to them are all-encompassing and physically engulfing. They are
spatial, surrounding her; she is immersed in them, as if she s a diver in the
ocean. They are the lenses through which she experiences events.
Emotions, for women, are like places.
Her emotional frame the emotional place she s in will help
determine how she interprets and feels about a new experience.
If you want a woman to be open to having sex with you, build her an
emotional place within which having sex with you feels appropriate.
That is, describe the emotion you are trying to create in spatial terms.
A lot of times, for perfectly good reasons, you can feel closed to
experiencing something intense& On the other hand, what s
great is when you suddenly realize you re in just the right place
for this kind of thing. {POINT TO SELF} You know, you feel so
comfortable, so open that it s almost like there are big pillows all
around you& big, plush comfortable pillows& and everything is
warm, fuzzy, relaxing, soft& and time has slowed down& it s
almost as if you re in another century, and there s time to really
open and experience powerful things& and everything is lit by
soft candle-light& and everything is made of wood& and
everything feels good when you touch it& and there are
beautiful paintings around you& and jars filled with bread and
fruit and grain& and everything you see and hear in every
direction just roots you to this spot, in a way that makes you feel
more and more like this {POINT TO SELF}is something you
need to experience even more deeply& because everything
seems so soft& you see a gorgeous chair carven of oak,
gorgeous wooden tables& soft soft blankets on a soft soft
bed& and everything proves to you, again and again, that you
really are in a place where you can now open completely to
experiencing something powerful and new {POINT TO SELF}.
Remember, none of the things in the above description need to be
anything like her actual physical environment though if there is a
resemblance, that will match her sensory perceptions and deepen the impact
of what you re saying.
53
Yeah, sometimes you re just not in the right place for a new
relationship. When you are, though, this {POINT TO SELF} can
be really wonderful. When I think of what this feels like, I always [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

Archiwum